Checking in...

[waaytoomuchintothis]

So many of my friends here on HRW were so helpful and kind when the ordeal with my father began in early June (ironically, June 6th, D-Day, our first sign that his brain was effected when he didn't know why the 6th of June was important), I thought it was appropriate for me to tell what has happened to date.

When I last checked in, I had them both (mother and father, both strokes during June), at home, with my mother, whose stroke was minimal, and very much recovered in P.Therapy, taking the 24 hours caretaker position, calling on me to come 2 or 3 times per day to do the muscle work and take care of diaper changes, etc.

Fast forward to today, Oct 3rd. He has had several nights in a row during which his brain has lost a step or two. My mother is showing signs of stress, not good for an 82 year old. I believe we are in the last days for my father, but to preserve my mother's health, I have to get her away for a while. Sounds bad, right? Nope, and here is the biggest reason to update everyone about this.

Because it was unlikely he would survive six months after the first episode, we could call in the local Hospice group. They have given us the diapers, changing pads, lots of support, meds, and even a bather who comes twice per week to shave and wash him for us. If I hadn't already bought him a hospital bed and wheelchair, they would have provided that, too. They were actually disappointed that they didn't need to bring them.

As if all that wasn't enough, They are going to come take him to a nursing facility for 5 nights, bringing him back on the morning of the 6th day, so my mother can get away and rest- me too. I'm near the Atlantic Coast, so I was able to find a place 2 hours away that we can go collapse for a few days and easily be back before he is due to be brought back. Next time somebody says that Hospice is looking after someone... well, now you know how much that means. Remember that when some jerk says he wants to snatch their funding or Medicare's. The best way I know to tell a bad guy crook in govt is to see if he wants to take money from Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, or Hospice. You just can't be a straight shooter and want that, no matter what.

This plan is going to save my mother's life. Being on call 24 hours a day has taken a toll on me, I can't imagine what it does to her, especially after a stroke. If the worst happens, and he dies while we are away looking after her, he won't know, and she won't be able to blame herself when she finds him gone one morning. I have been worrying about that for months.

[bookie]

God Bless Rob

[TsgtRet]

Rob,
Speaking as one who has first hand experience my heart and prayers go out to you. Lost Mom in 92 and Dad in 97 (she was 62 and he was 69, both cancer) and had Hospice support in both cases and don't know what we would have done otherwise. Lost my younger brother in 06 to a combination of MS, stroke & cancer; since he was in a rest home it took the burden off his wife and I (like you and your Mom)......Medicare covered that.
I agree that it gets my dander up when anyone starts messing with any of these benefits; additionally, being a military retiree (as was my father) I have watched the politicians erode the benefits we were supposed to get (we were told we would have free medical care for life...now we have a co-pay or a high annual fee).
Enjoy your little vacation and take things as they come....God bless

[HomeRacingWorld]

Hang in there. Hard times, but better days are ahead.

You have the number to the old HRW Skunkworks...open 24-7 for you.

[waaytoomuchintothis]

Thanks, guys. Its good to be understood. And Harry, I started carrying your phone number in my wallet a month ago. Its an important safety net for me.

And Sarge, I should have included the fraudulent reduction in Vet's benefits. Sorry about that. You're absolutely right. BTW, two of my uncles were AF E-6s. 10 years in?

[TsgtRet]

20 years: 72-92
Dad was Navy 47-67

Rob, give your Mom a hug and tell it's from all of us at HRW that are thinking of you.

[dreinecke]

Rob,

I lost my mother on 9/9/2002. She was only 55.

We used hospice for the last few weeks at home, and I can truly say they were some of the most amazing people I've ever met. We would not have made it except for them.

I hope things get better for you and appreciate hearing that others take care of their folks too.

Funny enough, me dad came over today with a rented log splitter and split almost 2 full cords of wood so we could use our fireplace this winter. it was one of my last chores to do before surgery that I just couldn't do. Wouldn't even let me buy him lunch - he bought mine. I told him that I could see thru it and that it was just a ploy for me to pick out a nice home for him ;) He didn't argue the point...

[waaytoomuchintothis]

If you lived down here where the oxygen is, you could borrow mine, its a 37 tonner!

Hospice is like nothing I ever experienced in medical doings. My wife and I have been medical folks for over 40 years, and three of my seminary colleagues went straight to Hospice as a Chaplaincy calling from graduation. More have wound up there part time, but I never knew very much about it, other than conversation with them as chaplains. I wonder if my medical crapola that limits me so much these days would allow me to do volunteer chaplaincy for them. I used to do funerals and memorials for folks who had no connection to organized religious entities, estranged from churches that went political, fundamentalist, etc. I never started that up again after I retired and moved across the country.

[moparjenny]

Rob, hang in there, and have a nice little vacation with that sweet mother of yours. You have my number if you ever need anything. :)

[RazorJon]

I lost my dad to cancer 23 years ago, he was 56, we knew he was going to die, I was the one that took care of him mostly and we talked about his death, and what he wanted. Mom died 2 years later she was killed by a drunk driver while on vacation in Texas, me and dad was very close but my mom's death hit me harder because I did not have time to prepare for it.

Rob my heart goes out to you and your family, We are here if you need to talk

[Cjent]

You are in the hearts and prayers of all HPRA members, Rob.
I and other members are retired Military and "promised" the same health care program which was reduced in the Nineties, TSgt.